“Comparison is the thief of joy”

Comparitious.

That’s what I call it.

And boy, do I have a big case of comparitious. I compare myself to everything. Well, not everything but it sure feels like it.

Studies show [Dare to Compare: Fact-Based verses Simulation-Based Comparison in Daily Life by Amy Summerville and Neal J. Roese] that 12% of all our accounted thoughts are comparative thoughts. That as humans, we compare ourselves to others in order to improve ourselves or to feel better about ourselves. We use other people as a measuring stick of self-worth.

And here I am, at it again, comparing myself to others. Ugh.

I dislike that I do this. It feels awful. I end up feeling like shit because doing this makes my energy and vibration drop, heavily. So heavy I immediately take notice and start some self-care steps to get myself back on track.

The most important self-care steps are setting boundaries. For myself and others.

That means taking a break from social media first and foremost. That is the biggest trigger for me so I make myself stay away from it. Thou shalt not scroll through social media while feeling bad. LOL.

I also set limits with the interactions I have with those that are always reaching out to me, constantly complaining, or have chaotic lives. That just wears my energy down.

Distraction works, as well, if my thoughts have been going rogue more than usual and it’s leading to more comparing. Distraction means PLAY. Play with the kids, play a video game, paint, just doing something I find fun.

I also like to declutter my brain by brain dumping into my journal or increase my personal spiritual practices, like being out in nature more, to help better ground me and clear my mind.

Comparing triggers my deep feelings of not being good enough and my deep need for validation.

Comparison is a symptom of being too self-critical to oneself. When feeling low is when I tend to always find something I don’t like or can improve on for just about anything. I internally measure how I don’t stack up based on some internal dictator inside of me saying I should match or be better than all these other things outside of myself. Then I become resentful and the self-hating kicks in.

This one of my shadows.

This shadow, this dark part of me, feels separate but yet the same. This unhappy shadow version of me that feeds off the lies I tell it. Lies such as: you’re not skinny enough, talented enough, pretty enough, strong enough, brave enough, smart enough, wanted, or loveable. I feel like I’m missing a part of me. That there is something wrong with me.

It compares real me to some other standard that has, over time, become my standard. Even though I don’t even like that standard. I don’t agree with that standard. I don’t want that standard! But I find myself trying to achieve them for some reason. Proving to myself exactly why I’m not good enough over and over again.

This is my ego taking over. This is my heart not being in connection with my higher self. My ego is trying to be alpha, so it feels a false sense of empowerment. My ego takes over because it’s also trauma speaking. My ego needs validation because it doesn’t trust itself or anyone else and is creating a false sense of security in doing this.

Or maybe because someone reminded me, over and over again, how wrong every single thing I did was and how I could have done better. How nothing I did was good enough. And at an early age, and it repeatedly happening, has embedded itself deep into me becoming part of my ego to protect me from the pain of rejection I was feeling over and over again.

It was teaching me how to survive!

Because, at the time, it’s what I had to do to keep some internal safety. I had to reject myself. I had to dislike me because others disliked me so much and if I wanted to be cared for (back then), I had to. As a child I essentially learned to reject myself because the adults around me did.

I try to at least not be so hard on myself. I can be pretty brutal. My guides tell me all the time that I’m too hard on myself. If I can practice just not being so hard on myself, it takes the pressure off and I can breathe a little bit lighter.

Once you notice how hard you are to yourself, you’ll see how often and how much you really do it. Then you can alter the pattern with neuroplasticity (rewiring the brain). You can step in and say, “this isn’t where I’m going today and not ever again.”

Remember, you’re unique and powerful, fully capable of paving your own path. But first, you have to stop the self-betrayal, and start learning the lessons your life is trying to teach you.

By constantly trying to be acceptable to others we wind up losing the acceptance of ourselves. We fall victim to cultural conditioning, we lose our own unique divine spark, and we put on masks to get others to find us presentable.

We must honor our own rawness more than others. We’re not bad or negative because we do these things or feel this way. We just learned how to self-betray ourselves, most often during childhood, in order to be loved.

Every time you feel the need to compare, remind yourself that these feelings, as strong as they are, are not telling you the truth.

“Dear you, don’t compare yourself to anyone. Your unique self is empowered, powerful, and unstoppable! Your incomparable! Don’t underestimate the beauty of just being you.”

Stephanie Lahart